Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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