I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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