i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
