would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
