Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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