all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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