i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
