Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
