people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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