youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
