He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
