and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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