If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
