I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
