Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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