I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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