You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
