We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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