SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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