I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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