he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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