Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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