I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
