I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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