Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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