It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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