it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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