We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
