Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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