just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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