Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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