I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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