She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
