i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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