i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm at about main and main street
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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