Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
