cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
