I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
