The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
