he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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