you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
