I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All the doctor said was why
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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