its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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