My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
