Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
this is an emotional support booty call
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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