I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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