You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
