Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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