I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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