make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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